This powerful interview shares the story of Hur, a woman who arrived in the United States as a five-year-old Afghan refugee. Forced to flee the Soviet invasion, her family’s journey took them from Kabul to Pakistan before finally reaching America in 1983. Her story is one of profound hardship, deep faith, and incredible resilience. It offers vital insights for new refugees, community builders, and anyone who believes in the power of starting over. Hur’s life now centers on uplifting others, especially women and children, through education, advocacy, and the unifying power of music.
Early Life and Coming to America
Her family came to the United States in August 1983. They arrived directly from Pakistan, where they had spent three years as refugees after leaving Kabul. The move was an immense challenge for the entire family.
Everyone struggled with the new language. The adults did not speak English, which made daily life very hard. Her older brothers had to work while going to school, often driving taxis. This was one of the few jobs available where English was not needed. The biggest issue for her family was becoming financially independent in a new country.
The transition was especially rough. Hur was five years old and living in her third country, learning her third language. She started kindergarten in September 1983. The family was also dealing with the recent loss of her mother. There was no time to process this grief. It was simply a time for survival.
The Move from Surviving to Thriving
For many years, Hur’s family was in survival mode. As the youngest child, her role changed quickly because she learned English fast.
- She became the “form filler” for the family, handling important paperwork from a very young age.
- She translated at her father’s doctor appointments because he did not speak English.
- She and her siblings often had to act like adults to help the family navigate the new system.
This is a common experience for many refugee children. They do not always have a normal childhood. They jump in and become helpers for their parents.
What helped her move forward was her foundation of faith. She says her relationship with God was crucial. She remembers talking to God at a very young age. She believes this was a gift to help her cope with all the change and difficulty.
Balancing Afghan Identity with American Life
Hur arrived in America at a unique time. Refugee support systems were not as strong as they are today. Organizations like Mosaic did not exist. After the first three months with a resettlement agency, families were largely on their own.
Her father had a key rule at home: no English. This helped her and her siblings stay connected to their culture. She is grateful for this because she now speaks Dari Farsi fluently. Even though she left Afghanistan at age two, she can communicate with newly arrived Afghan refugees and translate for them today.
Preserving culture was about daily life:
- Her sisters cooked Afghan food.
- The family attended Afghan community weddings and parties.
- They listened to Afghan music and danced together.
These social events were cathartic. They gave the children a way to release tension. Hur believes it is very important for communities to build these social spaces for children.
Feeling at Home: Integration vs. Assimilation
Hur felt she belonged in America early on. She grew up in Queens, New York, a true melting pot. In her neighborhood, different cultures lived side-by-side.
She makes a key point about building a life in a new country. It is about integration, not assimilation.
- Assimilationmeans watering down your identity to fit in.
- Integrationmeans coming as you are. You adopt the good parts of your new home while staying proud of who you are.
“You can be Muslim and American at the same time,” she says. “You can be Afghan and American at the same time.” All these identities can exist together. This is the beauty of what Islam teaches and what America can offer.
The Power of Education and Sacrifice
Hur knew from a young age that she wanted to go to college. She was the first and only one of her sisters to graduate. This was a major achievement for her family.
Her sisters made huge sacrifices. They stayed home to care for the family. They cooked, took care of their sick father, and supported their siblings. When one of her brothers got leukemia, her sisters took turns staying at the hospital. They never got a break.
Hur is deeply grateful. She knows that without their sacrifice, she would not have seen college as an option. Their hard work allowed her to build a different future.
Advice for Refugee Youth
Hur has strong, clear advice for young refugees starting their journey in America.
- See the opportunities.You cannot find these chances everywhere in the world. You are here for a reason.
- Use your resources.Look for scholarships, internships, and programs that can help you.
- Push yourself.You can be anything you want in this country, but you have to work for it. Do not wait for a handout.
- Get an education or learn a trade.This will benefit you for the rest of your life.
She sees a divine wisdom in her family’s journey. They were taken from a country heading into war and brought to a place where they could thrive.
Leading Through Service: Advocacy and Community Work
Hur’s refugee experience directly shapes how she serves others today. She is an educator, advocate, nonprofit leader, and mentor. Because she has been through struggle, she can speak for others who are trying to figure life out.
A big part of her work focuses on helping women who are survivors of domestic violence. This is important to her personally. In many cultures, people do not talk about these issues. She believes that sharing your story can help others heal.
She has learned to recognize her own limits. “You can’t do it all,” she says. It is important to know when you are hitting your threshold. You can hand tasks to others. This prevents burnout and lets you help people better.
The Role of Music and Building Discipline
Music has been a major part of Hur’s life. Her father loved music and poetry. It was always playing in their home. She was in choir throughout school and attended a performing arts high school.
She never thought she would use music professionally, especially after she started wearing hijab in the 1990s. Today, it is central to her work. She runs a unique children’s choir at her mosque.
The choir is about more than singing. It is about building discipline and identity.
She teaches the children that they are ambassadors. When they perform, people see them first as Muslims. She sets high standards:
- Clothes must be clean and ironed.
- Songs must be memorized perfectly.
- They must be well-groomed and presentable.
She pairs this discipline with fun, like going out for dinner or on field trips. The results are powerful. Her choir has performed at the governor’s mansion and for major cultural events. They learn songs in different languages, including Arabic and Afghan Dari.
The choir brings children into the mosque space. Some had never been to a mosque before. Some did not know how to pray. Now, they have a positive memory of their community. For Hur, this is the biggest win.
A Message to Newly Arrived Refugee Families
Hur has a direct message for newly arrived families, especially those who might be restrictive.
“Loosen the reins.” Do not be so harsh with your daughters and wives.
- If they want to go to school, let them.
- If your wife wants to learn English, it is better for everyone.
- Not every daughter will get married. She needs to be able to support herself.
Educating women helps the whole family. When children see their mother striving, it pushes them to strive more. Repressing women and keeping them uneducated only hurts your own family.
She also speaks about raising sons. There needs to be a cultural shift in how we raise our boys. A woman’s success should make a man proud, not insecure. Islamically, a husband should be in service to his wife. Treating mothers and sisters with respect teaches boys how to treat women later in life.
A Message to American Society
Hur asks Americans to see the big picture. Investing in refugees helps everyone.
When refugees become financially independent, they do not strain government resources. They buy houses, start businesses, and contribute. Give them a job. Teach them a trade.
“If you know a refugee in your neighborhood, ring their doorbell,” she says. Maybe they need help you can give. Maybe they need a connection to learn a skill.
She reminds us that no one wants to be a refugee. Her father was a wealthy man in Kabul. He did not want to leave. It was not a choice. It was leave or die. Refugees come here for safety and a chance for their children. They appreciate the opportunity.
Looking to the Future: Building a Lasting Legacy
In 50 years, Hur hopes her legacy will be simple. She wants to be remembered as someone who gave people the opportunity to grow.
She sees herself as a connector, or a “broker.” She connects people who need help with people who can provide it. This is true whether she is working with her choir, helping women, or advocating for better services.
She encourages communities to think about vocational training for refugees. Not everyone needs to go to college. Trades like plumbing, electrical work, and auto repair offer great livelihoods. Connecting refugees with trade schools and scholarships can change families for generations.
Conclusion: A Story of Strength and Hope
Hur’s journey from a five-year-old refugee to a community leader is a powerful testament to human strength. It shows the importance of faith, family, and never giving up. Her story teaches us about the balance of preserving culture while building a new home.
Most importantly, her life is now dedicated to service. She uses her own experiences to lift up others. She creates spaces where children can feel proud to be both Muslim and American. She advocates for women to find their voices and their independence.
Her message is clear: Your past does not define your future. With hard work, a positive mindset, and a supportive community,
